The Devoted

For The Devoted, love and life are intertwined things—they want their partner involved in their life and vice versa. They’re looking for someone who shares the same goals and values, and is able to look at love in a practical-minded way, creating a safe and stable space in which a relationship can grow and flourish. They seek closeness and like to be reassured in a romance, but they’re also looking for someone to play an anchoring role in their life.

Desires

• A relationship rooted in friendship.
• Shared goals, traits, and aspirations, with compatibility that’s grounded in reality.
• An emotional and psychological closeness that is rooted in stability.
• Reassurance and vocal affirmations of love and support.

Ideal Relationship

• A relationship that is a source of strength for them and makes them feel centered and stable rather than uncertain and stressed.
• An interdependent life with a partner that blends different aspects of their lives together to form a shared one.
• A partner who is able and willing to reassure them and validate their feelings.
• A romance that moves from the dating stage to a relationship without games.

They love being in relationships and are able to form healthy attachments for themselves and their partners when they’re in one. Because they value long-term commitments and have a more realistic, practical view of love, they’re likely not to get caught up in any fantasies and instead can view relationships for what they are, even though they like to spend more time with their partner than without. They’re looking for love that feels stable, a relationship to anchor themselves in, but also one that can help reassure and validate how they feel.

Being with The Devoted

They are more pragmatic than romantic and so a relationship with them is likely to brew overtime rather than a spontaneous spark. While they desire companionship, they’re realistic-minded enough to desire the right kind, so when they choose to enter a relationship it’s because they believe it will last. This makes them steady, committed partners, likely to go the extra mile to make their partner happy. They also don’t like playing games in love, so they’re unlikely to be playing hard to get, or manipulate situations to their advantage in the dating stage.

Bright spots of a relationship with The Devoted

• They are not afraid to put in the work to get to know someone before they enter a long-term commitment with them, which means when they pick a partner, they’re doing so because they’re certain it’s a good fit.
• They prefer being in an anchored relationship, and when this trait is combined with their desire to blend lives with a partner, it makes them pick and commit to one person without feeling like the grass is greener on the other side.
• They’re not likely to be too impulse-driven, which means they deliberate over decisions and are unlikely to make rash ones in or relating to a relationship.

Challenges of being with The Devoted

• If they’re not sharing everything with a partner they can feel unsettled, which may manifest as jealousy or insecurity that can be difficult for a more independent and centered partner to navigate through.
• A desire for oneness combined with their need for affirmations and reassurance can be trying for partners who are more independent and self-assured.
• May ask too much of a partner because of their need to have stability and reassurance along with a particular set of shared goals, interests, and values.
• Their wariness in the dating stage can be a challenge, especially because it can lead to placing pressure on a partner to jump into a relationship before they’re ready, or letting go of a potentially promising relationship too soon.

Compatible types

With their pragmatic and anchored sides leading the way, The Devoted usually end up with a partner who is most likely compatible with them. Although their desire to be close with a partner makes them unafraid to commit, they’re unlikely to jump into a relationship just because of initial sparks. Mature, well-balanced versions of their own type are usually a great fit.

They're also compatible with some more independent types if they’re a good practical fit and share some similarities. They do well with centered types that are willing to reassure them since it’s important for them to know that their partner will be there in times of trouble.

• TPCA
• TRCA
• TPEA
• IRCA
• IPCA

The Devoted are able to ground themselves in reality most of the time, but because of their desire for a shared life with a partner, can find themselves spending too long in relationships that are not the right fit. In an attempt to create closeness with a partner through shared activities and an enmeshed life, this type can unintentionally and counter-productively push their partners away rather than bring them closer.

This is especially true of more independent partners, who may need more space to feel like themselves before they can give their partner time and attention. This is why it’s advisable for the TPEA to think about whether they feel a sense of safety and stability in a relationship before they deem it the right one for them. In a relationship that is filled with ongoing stress or uncertainty, their unhealthy adaptations and struggles will take over their strengths and healthy adaptations.

Unhealthy adaptations

• Desire for shared lives makes them remain in unhealthy attachments even after they recognize them.
• Requiring partners share all the same interests as a source of reassurance or validation, leading to a dismissal of potentially compatible matches before they’ve had a shot.
• Jumping in relationships too soon
• Focusing too much on shared lives, shared goals, validation, and reassurance in a relationship leads to codependency

Struggles

• Not setting boundaries out of fear of rejection or dismissal
• May feel anxious if their partner pursues a separate life from them or has different interests, mistakenly viewing this as their partner trying to distance themselves, while in reality, their partner may simply need a little space while still being there for the DPUA when they need them.
• Can miss out on potentially rewarding relationships because of their tendency to view any differences as incompatibility instead of coming to terms with the fact that two partners don’t need to have cookie-cutter hobbies, and that some independent pursuits don’t mean they’re incompatible.
• Because they dislike the unanchored, flighty feeling of dating they can find it difficult to be deliberate, slow, and steady at this stage, preferring to save their energy for a long-term relationship instead.
• Unwilling to sacrifice their values for someone else’s, but also desiring to fulfill their partners' needs and desires can leave them confused and unsettled if they’re unable to balance both these traits well enough.

For the Devoted, relationships work as a grounding force in their lives. In a healthy relationship, they’re able to view their partner as a centered, anchoring aspect of their lives, and the relationship itself acts as a safety blanket for them. With this feeling of safety and stability, they’re able to pursue other aspects of their life and potentially even develop a healthy sense of independence, because there’s an aspect of their lives that feels steady and enduring.

Healthy Adaptations

• In relationships that give them assurances that help to lighten their interdependent side, they resolve inner demons, grow as individuals, and become ‘separate’ from their partner through their togetherness.
• A practical-minded approach to love helps keep them from dating incompatible partners since they’re looking for shared interests and values from the outset.
• Their anchored nature helps them form healthy attachments based on mutual support and reassurance rather than unhealthy reliances with a partner.
• Viewing romance practically and realistically creates a steady environment where they give themselves fully to the right partner rather than just any partner simply to be in a relationship.

For the Devoted, relationships work as a grounding force in their lives. In a healthy relationship, they’re able to view their partner as a centered, anchoring aspect of their lives, and the relationship itself acts as a safety blanket for them. With this feeling of safety and stability, they’re able to pursue other aspects of their life and potentially even develop a healthy sense of independence, because there’s an aspect of their lives that feels steady and enduring.

Healthy Adaptations

• In relationships that give them assurances that help to lighten their interdependent side, they resolve inner demons, grow as individuals, and become ‘separate’ from their partner through their togetherness.
• A practical-minded approach to love helps keep them from dating incompatible partners since they’re looking for shared interests and values from the outset.
• Their anchored nature helps them form healthy attachments based on mutual support and reassurance rather than unhealthy reliances with a partner.
• Viewing romance practically and realistically creates a steady environment where they give themselves fully to the right partner rather than just any partner simply to be in a relationship.

The Devoted are not afraid of commitment, and with the right partner, can be open and vulnerable in a relationship. They can also reign in their feelings when they need to, even though they desire a life of shared interests, goals, aspirations, and emotions.

• Like other dependent and pragmatic types, they likely don't struggle with avoidant tendencies or committing to the right person.
• Even though they desire reassurance and affirmation from their partner, they’re able to separate this desire from the realities of a relationship, and dislike playing games in love. This combination helps them steer clear of creating or encountering emotional collateral, as neither side is trying to manipulate the other into doing things for them.
• They prefer to interweave their life with that of their partner and prefer to feel oneness in a relationship but are able to look at romance in a realistic way.
• The ability to separate emotion from reality in the dating stage helps them see more clearly when it’s just infatuation and when there’s a compatible fit with someone.
• When their pragmatism is balanced with their desire to be in a relationship, they can foster healthy attachment in a relationship that’s grounded in reality.